BARBIE IN THE CITY?

My mother called me the other day with sad news:  my childhood friend, Barbie Roberts,  split with her long time beau, Ken.  Seems he turned out to be a commitment phobe.  Quite frankly, I could have told Barbie that her boy toy was a loser years ago.  I met Barbie back in the early ‘70’s, and she’d been with Ken for over ten years already.  She had chosen, prematurely, a few different wedding dresses; from short mini dresses to long, formal gowns.  But there was never a ring.  And now there never will be.

They were introduced to one another in 1961, during a commercial shoot.  Barbie was barely two years old at the time, but very well developed for her age.  She is now 45 and single, never married.  According to urban legend, Barbie has a better chance at walking on the moon, than walking down the aisle.  But is that myth – that women over 40 have almost 0 chance of marrying – really true?  Consider this:

• The median age of first time brides has steadily increased since the 1920’s.  

• The median age of first time brides in the United States rose from 25.8 to 27.6 between the years of 1990 and 2000.

• The National Center for Health Statistics records that in 2000, over  65,000 first time brides married in the US are over the age of 40.  (Somewhere in that statistic there is a median)

Median is not average.  While the average is a mathematical calculation of a scheme of numbers, the median is merely the middle point between the lowest and the highest.  Considering that brides (like Jerry Lee Lewis’ second cousin) can be as young as age 13 when married,  the highest age would have to be over 40.

But is Barbie average?  Some things you should know about her:

• Her full name is Barbie Millicent Roberts and she was ‘born’ in California.

• Every second 3 Barbie dolls are purchased somewhere in this world.

• Barbie has held over 14 careers; from Army Medic to Model to Cowgirl.

• At age 45, with as many years spent surfing the beaches of Malibu, Barbie has no wrinkles or fine lines on her face.  She is a poster girl for Botox.

If Barbie is average, I imagine that most women are still striving to be ‘just like the average Barbie’.

So now that Barbie will be entering the wonderful world of dating in the 40 to 50 year old age bracket,  I’d like to  give her some  advise.  First, don’t introduce any prospective date to your ‘little sister Skipper’ or her angelic little friend ‘Fluff’.  You will never see either of them again.  Second, don’t talk so much about your career as an Army Medic.  Stick to your hobbies:  surfing, sunning, horseback riding and shoe shopping.  (well maybe not the shoe shopping).  Like most of us, men seem to like to leave the drudgery of work at the office.  Socializing should be fun, and stories of twisted and mangled bits of plastic-flesh dolls on the battle fields could be a bit heavy – even for a man with a permanent smile.  And last, don’t talk about your ex.  I know that Ken was a significant part of your life.  But now you have entered a new chapter.  A chapter where (according to my analysis of the statistics) single women over the age of 40 DO get married   And that way, we can all be a bit more like Barbie (without the plastic surgery expense), as she is becoming a bit more like us.